I believe that in the next 20 years, depression will be one of highest factors for premature deaths across the world – possibly overtaking cancer. And the worst is – it’s a silent killer, most times left untreated. Well – that’s my thought.
It’s alarming that once you yourself have experienced depression how you can easily identify it in those around you, and I’m finding so many people are suffering, all to varying degrees, but suffer nevertheless.
So 4 years ago I went through a very serious bout of depression. Before this experience – to be frank – I had no time, or empathy or understanding of those suffering with this. I was Miss Positivity and brushed off any complaints from acquaintances with stupid, senseless comments like: “Things will change”, “Just think of positive things”, “Everything happens for a reason”.
Back then, I believed my depression was due to my life circumstances. I was going through a divorce, everything I thought about myself was a lie, I had no idea how I had gotten to this point. I also had my first brush with thoughts of suicide. I had a breakdown and was hospitalised. But if I were in my home alone at the time of that breakdown, I would have tried to end my life. I had no will to continue. This experience has made me a more empathetic person, well rounded and supportive and I therefore don’t regret having gone through it.
But just when I thought depression was a once off occurrence in my life, I found myself slipping back into the darkness.
I think I was depressed for about a year, masking the symptoms and the feelings with busyness and excuses. Then life seemed to strip me of so much this year – my work went quiet, my social life went quiet (by choice), and all of a sudden I was facing intense feelings of sadness. I rationalised it with various reasons, for 6 months. And then I broke down again. My body just literally seemed to shut down on me. I cried and cried and cried. And then slept for four days. I’ve gone back onto the anti-depressants and awaiting now for it to start its affects so that I can get back to a normal life. (It’s been 3 weeks).
One thing I have diagnosed myself – is that it isn’t my thoughts making me depressed. It’s in my head – literally. Either it’s hormones that is causing havoc or there is some form of chemical imbalance. I pray this won’t be a lifetime infliction.
To those who have taken their lives due to depression – I understand exactly how low one must feel to get to that point.